They say haywire is a good thing but...

My mind is very very confused right now. i'm trying to sort my train of thoughts which is practically a roller coaster by now. my feelings, my friends and my work, i'm seriously confused. Any longer this goes on, i feel like just doing some homicidal psychopath act on everyone!

But seriously though my feelings for her and another her by that i mean my heart has been.........let say.......partially repaired...but still broken....i kept thinking of all the mistakes i have done yet the past mistakes will not let me go. Here i am standing on a junction where an exit, a continue, a new game exist. I could go for the new game yet my heart wishes to do a continue BUT my brain says "hey hairul no! Choose an exit! Stop this game! It hurting you so!" True that...

And yet i can't forget her...her smile..her kindness..the way she acts...she may not be my ideal but she's the one i can't forget. she's the one that i fell in love with...i'm not handsome, i'm not your knight in shining armor but i wish i was the one. NO! I want to be the one! YOUR ONLY ONE!

Sadly that is just wishful thinking on my part. Trying to get over you is like trying to fix a badly cooked dish....

List of my wishes..:

I wish to be with you
I wish to be the one for you
I wish to be the guy that listens to you
I wish to be the guy that talks to you
I wish to be the only one that sees your sweet smile
I wish to hear what your day was.
Every moment i see you, my heart just starts to rattle.
Every time i see you laugh, my heart just yearns to be a comedian
Every minute, every second you smile, my heart begs to be the mirror that reflects you
I can't express how much i wish to be with you, There are many words and many sayings that might express the way i feel but you know..each time you appear, it's as if my tongue was severed from me.

 You may or may not see this but..i love you.

Ignorance is a bliss~

True to the title, ignorance is a bliss. How i wish i did not find it out because all it does is making me go haywire and anyway to the person who kept avoiding me after my confession. Please don't. I know you friendzoned me and i'm cool with that! now you may ask me why don't i say it to your face? BECAUSE OF THE ABOVE MENTIONED STATEMENT! OMG HOW CAN YOU DO THIS?!?! I know its your first time getting confessed to but it is still rude to do this. You go around tell people and you think i don't know?! *Sigh*.....I don't know whether to be sad that you reject me or to be mad at what you are doing towards me. Which is why i'm going pretty much haywire. be it that way if you wish to not be friends with me..but losing you as a friend will pretty much shatter the remnants of whatever debris that is my heart.

Please do hear my plea, Don't break off our friendship..You know i like you as friend and more but its cool if you reject me but don't break off this friendship will ya? I know i'm been annoying, irritating  and a lot of other stuff but i sincerely wish to not lose you..Have you ever lost a friend? Probably not. Maybe i wasn't even your friend to begin with but know this, i like you as a friend and more. I know its confusing but i'm trying to get over you but do give this...friendship another shot at it? Losing another friend is the last thing i wish to face but if i lose you.....