My feelings on certain matters

Minus the "saving my friends" speech, this video perfect represents my feelings on certain matters.



I'm angry at a lot of things mostly of because of certain events but i digress.
My feelings on those matters are still the same but i shall be the better man.
Thus forgetting those hateful feelings and becoming peaceful..

Problematic ships..

Having a friend is wonderful. Having a lot of friends is splendid but caring for all of them is tearing me apart. As most people knows, i'm a feminist which means i care more about women than my own gender, this is mostly attributed by the reason that i was raised by a single mother whom i dearly love despite our arguments. And being a feminist is a very tough job especially when a lot of the females i knew are having a lot of emotional problems. Why tough? Reason #1: Being a guy, i have a tough time understanding women but in my years of spending time with them, i come to understand them bit by bit however this does not go well with my brain which unfortunately can't keep with the influx of emotional wave caused by hearing girls out day by day which means that i sometimes became a robot in the face of the many women i come to befriend.

However this is not the main point. The main point is that i feel sad when they feel sad so whenever a lot of them feel sad, i became depressed! Aish! What a problem!

They say haywire is a good thing but...

My mind is very very confused right now. i'm trying to sort my train of thoughts which is practically a roller coaster by now. my feelings, my friends and my work, i'm seriously confused. Any longer this goes on, i feel like just doing some homicidal psychopath act on everyone!

But seriously though my feelings for her and another her by that i mean my heart has been.........let say.......partially repaired...but still broken....i kept thinking of all the mistakes i have done yet the past mistakes will not let me go. Here i am standing on a junction where an exit, a continue, a new game exist. I could go for the new game yet my heart wishes to do a continue BUT my brain says "hey hairul no! Choose an exit! Stop this game! It hurting you so!" True that...

And yet i can't forget her...her smile..her kindness..the way she acts...she may not be my ideal but she's the one i can't forget. she's the one that i fell in love with...i'm not handsome, i'm not your knight in shining armor but i wish i was the one. NO! I want to be the one! YOUR ONLY ONE!

Sadly that is just wishful thinking on my part. Trying to get over you is like trying to fix a badly cooked dish....

List of my wishes..:

I wish to be with you
I wish to be the one for you
I wish to be the guy that listens to you
I wish to be the guy that talks to you
I wish to be the only one that sees your sweet smile
I wish to hear what your day was.
Every moment i see you, my heart just starts to rattle.
Every time i see you laugh, my heart just yearns to be a comedian
Every minute, every second you smile, my heart begs to be the mirror that reflects you
I can't express how much i wish to be with you, There are many words and many sayings that might express the way i feel but you know..each time you appear, it's as if my tongue was severed from me.

 You may or may not see this but..i love you.

Ignorance is a bliss~

True to the title, ignorance is a bliss. How i wish i did not find it out because all it does is making me go haywire and anyway to the person who kept avoiding me after my confession. Please don't. I know you friendzoned me and i'm cool with that! now you may ask me why don't i say it to your face? BECAUSE OF THE ABOVE MENTIONED STATEMENT! OMG HOW CAN YOU DO THIS?!?! I know its your first time getting confessed to but it is still rude to do this. You go around tell people and you think i don't know?! *Sigh*.....I don't know whether to be sad that you reject me or to be mad at what you are doing towards me. Which is why i'm going pretty much haywire. be it that way if you wish to not be friends with me..but losing you as a friend will pretty much shatter the remnants of whatever debris that is my heart.

Please do hear my plea, Don't break off our friendship..You know i like you as friend and more but its cool if you reject me but don't break off this friendship will ya? I know i'm been annoying, irritating  and a lot of other stuff but i sincerely wish to not lose you..Have you ever lost a friend? Probably not. Maybe i wasn't even your friend to begin with but know this, i like you as a friend and more. I know its confusing but i'm trying to get over you but do give this...friendship another shot at it? Losing another friend is the last thing i wish to face but if i lose you.....

Chronicles of Hairul~ Side story~ Confessions of Awkward Young Lad

This story begins with an A. Why A you ask? Because A is for awkwardness, the very thing i am facing now so let us track the source of my sorrowfulness...Thus it began like a normal day that is no different from any other. A day where the main heroine was as tired as usual though i did nothing whatsoever to cheer her up nor make her day. All i could do was look at her in silence thinking as to what i may do to cheer her up so as her day ends, i decided to "accompany" her home against her wishes and thus began a trip home full of awkwardness. Silence fill the train of thoughts i was having yet my mind was full of her face as gradually it reaches a point where i just went "Hey! let's confess to her" ..Regret i had of that thought. A fool i was for even thinking of such evil thus began my plan to confess to her..Step 1 was as useless as was the owner who thought of it.. so i went and jump off the train where it stop at her humble abode and then i chased after her like a drama queen only to find a tired face facing towards me.

And i did the unthinkable. i said the 3 words that every men had to say in some point of their life towards their spouse. Why i did that? I have no idea. I must be out of my mind. Insanity might have reach its peak in the meter known as my brain. 

Her reply? "Go home"

Was all it took to send me scuttling back on the train where it sent me back to the rat hole whence i came from.

And thus began the Nightmare of Awkwardness...

Chronicles of Hairul, The beginning or The end?

On 4 February 2013, I did the unthinkable. Confess to her I did but think about it, I did not. I must be a fool for trying to win the fair maiden heart and now awkwardness reigns between the both..neither friend nor foe but two awkward acquaintance stuck in a cruel twisted fate of friendship. 1107am this was written. Continue later shall I..

Chronicles of Hairul, Broken yet Unstable

1.2.2013 is a date that i'll never forget. Full of happiness it has been for me yet it was never fully repaired. My heart is as broken as ever despite my many attempts to repair it yet my happiness arises when i heard we could still be friends and yet the heart is still broken, Fixing it seems to be quite a chore. Forget her, i tried but my wounded heart seems to remember and will not forget the devastation that was inflicted towards my fragile love. And yet i would not forget her..Foolish i might add...

Forget this matter at once and on to a side story of my life for once, on very same date, Was a day i could not forget, Full of happiness i have towards that date and gone was my hate..As i look at my fellow friends who cried with sadness towards their comrades who was leaving them, All i could do was look and look and look without the means to the end of their sadness. All i could be was happy so as for them to look at me without a reason to cry..

And yet another foolish me who have yet to explain what on earth i am talking about. On the above-mentioned date was Ngee Ann Polytechnic Hearing Impact Club Closing Ceremony. Full of performance it had and i was one of them i might add. Foolishly did a lot of mistake, i did. Yet full of forgiveness that they had for me..Lucky guy i am :D 

My hopes lies with knowing and forever not losing my current friends. Hopefully i'll still be alive by then to marry and have children! :D

P.S: Its Hearing Impaired**** Thanks Winny! :D