Chronicles of Hairul, Withdrawal

Right  now at 7.50pm 17/8/2013, a couple of relative from who knows where came. And my only problem is that i am so alienated from them because

1) I do not know them

2) i don't speak proper malay nor fluent at it

3) Alienism is me

4) I AM HAVING SOCIAL WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS WHENEVER THERE'S MALAY PEOPLE IN MY HOUSE!!!!

A few things you should know is that i am estranged with the malay side of me because i never did hang out with malay peeps nor do i like malay culture. i'm more of gadget fanatic which i don't really speak malay nor hang out. When i was younger than i am currently am(Let say about primary level) i was always estranged with my malay relative because they always thought i'm a chinese which pisses me off because i always tried to get in with malay side but because of how i was treated i have developed social withdrawal symptoms especially when there's a person speaking malay or have any tinge of Malay culture in them. When i say culture i mean the current singaporean/malaysian malay culture which has evolved into some degraded form of malay/western culture or a hybrid of both (In my opinion of course)

Right now everyone is an alien to me...HAAHAHA BECAUSE ITS ALIENATION!!!

Chronicles of Hairul, Drama Mama The Beginning

Where do i start....Last where i stop was the month of April. Today's date is 16 august 2013 i am typing this as of 10.08pm. 1st issue i wish to rage about in this particular blog of mine is What'sapp. For those of you who do not know, What'sApp is an application which allows you to message in a "MSN Messenger" manner through a mobile layout using the Mobile Internet as its medium.Now the issue i wish to bring up is that of a social etiquette. PLEASE REPLY YOUR DAMN MESSAGE!!!!(This applies to SMS too) . Only a few people actually do reply me. Maybe you're busy or what but please try to reply to me or else what'sapp is like my version of an Annoying Orange. IT HAS NO PURPOSE WHEN NO ONE REPLIES ON THE GROUP NOR DO ANYTHING EXCEPT TO ANNOY YOU! I SWEAR I WILL BREAK THE WHAT'SAPP COMPANY IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO.

Second issue: Parents. Yes Yes. This is issue that i have never been able to solve and currently at a point where i just wish to give up. In the past, i said i had given up but somewhere in my heart i wish for them to understand me but no, Either they or me refuses to understand each other. Now i have really really reach a point where i'm just going to say hi/i love you/bye. Currently my parents do not know of the life that i am leading because i refuse to share it with them. Do you know why? because they don't really remember my friends nor do they bother to..Which makes it pointless on my part to even bother them on such matters. Right now they are busy with their own problems and refuses to share it with me, their only son. =( which makes me even more sad because i wish to know how their life is but no, they don't wish for such things.
So i can only conclude at the end of this ranting is that "Don't bother". However their mistakes are one i wish to not repeat with my child if i ever have one so i shall type this list in the hopes that i don't repeat their mistakes.

List of things  to do with Child:

1) Speak with them.Show them you're concerned. Don't make them think that only the parents life are important
2) Religion is as important as children. Answer them in a way that they will understand. Don't make it so confusing like what your own parents did.
3) Do not prevent them from trying new things however if they are about to do a stupid thing or already done it. Advise them/Talk to them
4)As a parent, be strict and kind at the same time. reward them and punish them for things they did.
5)Tell them your experience as a teenage for this is the most important time of their life.
6) Share your life experiences be it good or bad. Each life experience have a lesson in them therefore as a parent, you must learnt from it not ignore it and treat it as a bad memory.
7) As detach as you are from your own parents, do tell them the bad things grandparents have done but this is done so that you can tell them what you want to learn as a parent alongside your children/child.
8)Engage your child in conversation. Show them that they are as important as God.
9) Be one with religion

There are many other issues but..i will continue them in the next post..Chao!

My feelings on certain matters

Minus the "saving my friends" speech, this video perfect represents my feelings on certain matters.



I'm angry at a lot of things mostly of because of certain events but i digress.
My feelings on those matters are still the same but i shall be the better man.
Thus forgetting those hateful feelings and becoming peaceful..

Problematic ships..

Having a friend is wonderful. Having a lot of friends is splendid but caring for all of them is tearing me apart. As most people knows, i'm a feminist which means i care more about women than my own gender, this is mostly attributed by the reason that i was raised by a single mother whom i dearly love despite our arguments. And being a feminist is a very tough job especially when a lot of the females i knew are having a lot of emotional problems. Why tough? Reason #1: Being a guy, i have a tough time understanding women but in my years of spending time with them, i come to understand them bit by bit however this does not go well with my brain which unfortunately can't keep with the influx of emotional wave caused by hearing girls out day by day which means that i sometimes became a robot in the face of the many women i come to befriend.

However this is not the main point. The main point is that i feel sad when they feel sad so whenever a lot of them feel sad, i became depressed! Aish! What a problem!

They say haywire is a good thing but...

My mind is very very confused right now. i'm trying to sort my train of thoughts which is practically a roller coaster by now. my feelings, my friends and my work, i'm seriously confused. Any longer this goes on, i feel like just doing some homicidal psychopath act on everyone!

But seriously though my feelings for her and another her by that i mean my heart has been.........let say.......partially repaired...but still broken....i kept thinking of all the mistakes i have done yet the past mistakes will not let me go. Here i am standing on a junction where an exit, a continue, a new game exist. I could go for the new game yet my heart wishes to do a continue BUT my brain says "hey hairul no! Choose an exit! Stop this game! It hurting you so!" True that...

And yet i can't forget her...her smile..her kindness..the way she acts...she may not be my ideal but she's the one i can't forget. she's the one that i fell in love with...i'm not handsome, i'm not your knight in shining armor but i wish i was the one. NO! I want to be the one! YOUR ONLY ONE!

Sadly that is just wishful thinking on my part. Trying to get over you is like trying to fix a badly cooked dish....

List of my wishes..:

I wish to be with you
I wish to be the one for you
I wish to be the guy that listens to you
I wish to be the guy that talks to you
I wish to be the only one that sees your sweet smile
I wish to hear what your day was.
Every moment i see you, my heart just starts to rattle.
Every time i see you laugh, my heart just yearns to be a comedian
Every minute, every second you smile, my heart begs to be the mirror that reflects you
I can't express how much i wish to be with you, There are many words and many sayings that might express the way i feel but you know..each time you appear, it's as if my tongue was severed from me.

 You may or may not see this but..i love you.

Ignorance is a bliss~

True to the title, ignorance is a bliss. How i wish i did not find it out because all it does is making me go haywire and anyway to the person who kept avoiding me after my confession. Please don't. I know you friendzoned me and i'm cool with that! now you may ask me why don't i say it to your face? BECAUSE OF THE ABOVE MENTIONED STATEMENT! OMG HOW CAN YOU DO THIS?!?! I know its your first time getting confessed to but it is still rude to do this. You go around tell people and you think i don't know?! *Sigh*.....I don't know whether to be sad that you reject me or to be mad at what you are doing towards me. Which is why i'm going pretty much haywire. be it that way if you wish to not be friends with me..but losing you as a friend will pretty much shatter the remnants of whatever debris that is my heart.

Please do hear my plea, Don't break off our friendship..You know i like you as friend and more but its cool if you reject me but don't break off this friendship will ya? I know i'm been annoying, irritating  and a lot of other stuff but i sincerely wish to not lose you..Have you ever lost a friend? Probably not. Maybe i wasn't even your friend to begin with but know this, i like you as a friend and more. I know its confusing but i'm trying to get over you but do give this...friendship another shot at it? Losing another friend is the last thing i wish to face but if i lose you.....

Chronicles of Hairul~ Side story~ Confessions of Awkward Young Lad

This story begins with an A. Why A you ask? Because A is for awkwardness, the very thing i am facing now so let us track the source of my sorrowfulness...Thus it began like a normal day that is no different from any other. A day where the main heroine was as tired as usual though i did nothing whatsoever to cheer her up nor make her day. All i could do was look at her in silence thinking as to what i may do to cheer her up so as her day ends, i decided to "accompany" her home against her wishes and thus began a trip home full of awkwardness. Silence fill the train of thoughts i was having yet my mind was full of her face as gradually it reaches a point where i just went "Hey! let's confess to her" ..Regret i had of that thought. A fool i was for even thinking of such evil thus began my plan to confess to her..Step 1 was as useless as was the owner who thought of it.. so i went and jump off the train where it stop at her humble abode and then i chased after her like a drama queen only to find a tired face facing towards me.

And i did the unthinkable. i said the 3 words that every men had to say in some point of their life towards their spouse. Why i did that? I have no idea. I must be out of my mind. Insanity might have reach its peak in the meter known as my brain. 

Her reply? "Go home"

Was all it took to send me scuttling back on the train where it sent me back to the rat hole whence i came from.

And thus began the Nightmare of Awkwardness...